Disclaimer: The Power Rangers are the property of Saban Entertainment and I lay no claim to them. Q is property of Paramount Pictures and Evil Q is a character in Adam Safran’s upcoming story Q-Counterstrike. Transformers are the property of Hasbro. The concept of Rouge Squadron is originally from George Lucas modified by Adam Safran. Tom and Jerry is the property of MGM entertainment. Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Sylvester, Sylvester Jr. and the Road Runner are property of Warner Bros. Hogan’s Heroes is copywrited by Bing Crosby productions and is distributed by Paramount. Cannonball Run is a movie by 20th Century Fox. Wraith, Moldar, and Winston are property of Adam Safran and Richard Carta. Miami Vice is property of Michael Mann productions and Universal Studios. Al Snow is trademarked by the WWF. Darph Nader is the property of Ernie Fossillus. Jeffrey Kincaid, Night Rangers, and all other characters relating to them are mine. Should anyone wish to use my characters contact me at foi72@yahoo. com.
Special thanks to Adam Safran and Richard Carta whose ideas and sugestions have provided me with much inspiration to start this story. This story also occurs after Richard Carta’s story Awakening as well as their own respective Q-stories.
I. D. War – Part 6 Welcome to Wackyworld
The villianess sat in her chair twirling her hair looking all so pouty and bored. Which she was.
“Moldar I’m bored. “, the woman said. “What shall I do today?”
The master warrior of the Simian people known as Moldar of the Parody dimension came hobbling in with bandages all over his body and limping with a cane. His armor was all made out of different kinds of mold and even had some flowers growing from it. Flowers Moldar was allergic to.
“My queen AHHHCHOOOO!!!”, Moldar started to say sneezing his bandages off as well as the flowers. “We have visitors from another world. None of them coming from the planet…. Earth.”
The queen known as Wraith looked down at her new guests from her balcony where her throne was as she and Moldar continued to sound like the opening scene from the Flash Gordon movie of 1980 where Ming and Klytus were looking down on Earth ready to destroy it. But instead of Earth Wraith saw warriors who didn’t look like they belonged in the parody dimension.
“How normal they look. “, Wraith had said as she pulled out a pocket light and flashed it on the warriors before her. “Special effects snafu. We couldn’t get enough money to get me a real flashy ring like I wanted.”
Suddenly the room started to fill with a drum beat that was reminiscent of an old Queen song. Moldar knew the song well and laughed as he and Wraith continued to reinact the opening ‘Flash Gordon’ scene. “Most effective your majesty. We will torture these warriors not from this…. Earth.”
“Later. I’d like to play with things a while. “, Wraith then took a dramatic pause then said, “Before annihilation.” Then she let out an evil laugh and the Flash Gordon theme from Queen started to fill the torture hall.
The Killjoys, the Triad, Brachian, Kegler, and Jinxer were all being driven insane by the drum beats up to when Queen sang “FLASH! BOOM! AHHAHHHH! SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE!”
“No!! No more!!!” Kegler screamed.
“Not again!!” shouted Jinxer.
The torture continued as Queen continued to sing “FLASH! BOOM! AHHAHHH! HE SAVED EVERY ONE OF US!”
“Well enough of that!”, Wraith said then turned away from the balcony to the sight of the large Destron that stood before her throne. Her aide Winston, a look alike of Finster but with larger glasses, stood with it.
“Well Winston. Who is this big hunk o’ bot here before me?”, Wraith asked playfully.
“Flattered I am. Weirdwolf my name is. “, the Destron headmaster said. Wraith looked at him skeptically and then asked Winston “Shouldn’t he be tortured with the others?”
“We tried that my queen. But he for some reason was immune to the ‘Flash Gordon’ torture and started singing the song adding to his companion’s pain.”
“And you took him out for that?”, Wraith asked. “Why?”
“Because it doesn’t make sense for prisoners to torment their fellow prisoners?”, Winston asked. Wraith looked like she was ready to blow a blood vessel.
“THIS IS THE PARODY DIMENSION NOTHING HERE MAKES SENSE!!!!”, Wraith screamed before turning to Weirdwolf and asked, “Now how are you immune to my torture?”
Weirdwolf’s head fell off its body and transformed as it fell. Soon the armored form of Elgar stood infront of Wraith. “Uhh hiya. How ya doin’?”, Elgar asked.
Wraith then let out a long smile and hugged the mutant. “Ohhh Elgar I’m so glad you’re here!” Elgar looked confused and said, “Uhhh you are?”
“Yes. It’s not often that we’re visited by the Albert Einstein of the Parody Dimension. “, running her fingers through Elgar’s pointy head she then asked, “So what brings you here my big hunk o mutant?”
Even though Elgar enjoyed himself he still had some business to handle. “Uhhhh well. Me and my buddies. The ones you’re torturing are looking for the Matrix of Humor so we can stop the Power Rangers from destroying the plans of the Order of Destruction.”
Wraith started to get all giddy like a schoolgirl. Or like Nadira any day of the week. “Ohhhhh Matrix. I want it! I want it!”
Moldar and Winston looked at each other in confusion and asked “huh?”
“I like shiney sparkly things. And I heard Matrixes are SOOOOOOO sparkly! Let Elgar have his friends back and bring the Matrix to me.”
“Uhhh my queen are you sure that’s wise?”, Moldar asked.
“I don’t care I want it and if I don’t get it!” Wraith walked over to her throne and then snapped her fingers watching the look of dread on her servant’s face. Next thing she noticed was a shadow growing larger over her. Looking up to see what it was she then turned to face a hidden camera and waved bye bye as an anvil hit her and her throne flattening both like pancakes.
Moldar reached below the anvil and picked up the flattened Wraith and shook her out like an old towel. She got her dimensions back and her temper was more firey than ever.
“NOW FIND ME THAT MATRIX AND DON’T COME BACK UNTIL YOU DO!!!”, she screamed and all the underlings of the evil Wraith ran out of the throne room falling over themselves like a mixture of keystone kops and the three stooges. Elgar linked back up to Weirdwolf and walked out looking for the rest of his team, and hoped they weren’t too far out from the ‘Flash Gordon’ torture.
Moldar then came back in and shook out Wraith’s throne from under the anvil. “Sorry I forgot!”, he said before storming out again.
Wraith then went over to the throne ready to sit in it but found it wasn’t in the usual spot. Lifting up the heavy chair she tried to put it where it was but she was grunting and groaning the whole time especially with the anvil still there.
“Wait, why didn’t I think of this before?”, Wraith said as she snapped her fingers hoping to magically teleport her throne to where it was and the anvil somewhere else. What happened instead was the anvil and the throne switched places but Wraith was teleported to the inside of a mousehole and she was shrunk down to the size of a mouse. For added insult, she had a mouse tail sticking out from behind and whiskers on her face.
“Ohhh! OOOOHH!!!” Wraith said fuming tired of the never ending game of cat and mouse with her powers. Speaking of cat and mouse…
A cute brown mouse named Jerry let out a whistle when he saw the sight of Wraith standing there like a beauty. Wraith smiled flattered by the mouse. “Well thank you. I do aerobics you know!” Next thing that happened a white paw grabbed her and she was soon staring at the evil glare of a cat with blue fur named Tom ready to eat her.
Wraith then screamed at the top of her lungs, “AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!”, causing the cat to drop her. Soon she was running from the cat as it started to chase her.
So how was your day so far?
On a busy street corner a series of figures materialized. They were four Blunder Rangers, one Lightspeed Ranger, one Night Ranger, two Galaxy Rangers, two Powermasters, and one Junkion.
“Ahh it’s great to be young and insane. “, Poindexter said taking in the air of the Parody Dimension.
“It’s good to touch the green, green grass of home!”, Wreck-Gar sang from the song of the same title. Prancer looked around completely amazed.
“WowlikeI’ve neverbeenherebeforebutyaknowIfeellike I’velikecomehomeyaknow!Istherelikeamallnearby?Causeif thereisIcouldgoonanallnightspreeyaknow…” Prancer’s speech was cut off when Bretta hit her over the head with a frying pan. Everyone on the city block started to applaud Bretta for shutting Prancer up.
The Cybertrons Getaway and Slapdash looked around with their sensors then transformed into their vehicle modes. Their engine modules, Tanya and Adam respectively, transformed and joined the team.
“Well so far everything seems normal. “, Tanya said. Upon hearing the word ‘normal’ (which will now be forever referred to as ‘the N-word’ throughout this fic) most of the people screamed ‘AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!’ and ran off leaving trails of smoke behind.
“Okay forget I said anything. “, Tanya said.
Greenie then spoke up and said. “Forgot to tell you, don’t use the N-word around here. It’s kind of like saying the four letter words on a kiddie show.”
“Like what would happen if Big Bird on Sesame Street said *bleep*, *bleep*, *bleep* and *bleep* on me?”, Poindexter added. “Boy the censors are working great tonight.” Kelsey, Adam and Tanya didn’t know what to make of what Poindexter had just said but Sorrero seemed to nod understanding a little.
“Hey what’s with all the people wearing bandages on themselves?”, Adam asked pointing to people wearing splints and on crutches. The minute Adam asked that Poindexter and Greenie went white as a sheet, especially since the ground started to shake as if the sound of giant footsteps were approaching.
“Uhhh guys we’d better bet back to Headquarters. “, Bretta said suddenly concerned not for herself but for her teamates. The people in bandages started to hobble quickly as well.
“Fun house come in! FUN HOUSE!!!”, Poindexter shouted into the communicator. The communicator answered back with, “I’m sorry the number you have dialed is not in service please check your local listing and dial again.”
Poindexter and Greenie looked white as sheets while everyone else looked confused then Kelsey asked “Hey what’s that?”
Everyone turned to see a grotesque version of Bretta stomping her way forward. She wore a purple shirt and jeans, her whole body looked as if it was made of muscles and her face was reminiscent of a Gamorean Guard from Star Wars. “Oh no it’s monster me!”, Bretta said.
“Monster you?”, Slapdash asked.
“Yeah, in another world Bretta is a man hater and the comic genius’s of the Parody Dimension decided to create a monster version of her here as a joke!”, Poindexter said ready to run but the real Bretta held Poindexter by the shirt as he was running in place.
“We don’t run out on the team. “, Bretta said staring at Monster Bretta still. Greenie was shaking so hard his knees were knocking.
Monster Bretta then started to sniff the air picking up a scent. A scent that she thought was foul and disgusting. She turned her nose towards where the Rangers and Wreck-Gar were standing and soon smoke started spewing out of her nostrils as she shouted “MALES!!!!”
Monster Bretta charged at the rangers as Sorrero started to come forward. “No sweat!”, he said sticking his arm out as if saying for her to stop.
Next thing Kai, Damon, Adam, Sorrero, Poindexter, Greenie Slapdash, Getaway and Wreck-Gar knew was that they were spewed all over the ground groaning in pain. “Oooohhhh!”, as the women stood untouched.
“Prancer help me with them!”, Bretta ordered as she went to pick up Poindexter and Prancer picked up Greenie. Tanya picked up Adam and Kelsey picked up Sorerro. Kai and Damon were left trying to crawl back to their hands and knees as were Wreck-Gar, Slapdash and Getaway. “Ohhh talk about getting no respect. “, Damon complained as he groaned.
“Excedrin headache number 1, 472. Run down by Monster Bretta. “, Wreck-Gar commented.
“Wegottalikegetouttahere!She’slikegonnachargeagain!”, Prancer said noticing Monster Bretta coming around for another pass.
“Pssst, over here!”, said a british voice coming from a fire extinguisher. Bretta remembered the voice, but Kelsey wondered who the fire was. “Who are you?”, she asked.
A head stuck out of the fire extinguisher that seemed to look like Sean Connery with plastic surgery, according to him. “Blank. Point Blank.”
Bretta rolled her eyes back as he turned and saw Monster Bretta coming their way. “Make haste quickly. I shall distract the she-demon for you.” The ranger team ducked away leaving Point Blank to fend for himself.
“Shouldn’t we be running?”, Damon asked Bretta.
“Yeah we should but what fun would that be?”, Bretta asked back as they watched Point Blank trying to fend off Monster Bretta.
“Halt foul demon spawn!”, Point Blank said holding out a laser pistol. “This disintigrator pistol is trained on you. And boy does it disintigrate!”
“Wasn’t this in a ‘Duck Dodgers’ cartoon?”, Poindexter asked Greenie.
“Hey, you can’t beat the classics. “, Greenie answered back as everyone watched Point Blank confronting Monster Bretta. Point Blank pulled the trigger and the gun then disolved in his hand leaving only ash behind.
“It uh… it uhhh…. disintigrated. “, Point Blank said suddenly very nervous.
Monster Bretta looked meanacingly at Point Blank and stopped snarling for a second. Then she looked him deep in the eye and said in her own british accent, “Good afternoon Mr. Blank.” before she stomped her foot on the ground launching Point Blank like a rocket due to shockwaves. Point Blank’s head hit the ceiling cracking it then he was sent falling back to earth crashing through the sidewalk leaving a large hole in the ground. A stream of water then sprayed into the air as Point Blank’s crash broke the water main his hydrant was connected to.
After the dismal performance by Point Blank Bretta pulled out a cartoon hole and placed it on the ground. “I know it’s usually ladies first but I think this time you guys should go first.” None of the guys disagreed as Sorrero, Adam and Tanya transformed into Sladdash and Getaway’s engines and jumped in first. Wreck-Gar followed along with Poindexter, Greenie, Kai and Damon jumped through the hole with Damon shouting, “Why didn’t you think of this beforeeeeee?”
Kelsey, Prancer and Bretta went in last as Bretta said, “Where’s your sense of comedyyyyyyy?” Monster Bretta then came up to the hole and sniffed it still picking up on the scent of males(cringe) and ready to follow it. Jumping up Monster Bretta dove into the hole only to find her face crashing into the ground woth the hole not allowing her through.
Monster Bretta lay on the ground with bluebirds circling over her head… male bluebirds.
“MALES!!!AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”, she screamed swiping at the bluebirds.
A hole opened up in a ceiling and the ranger team fell through it with all of them landing on their butts. “Ohhh. Where are we?”, Slapdash asked.
“Aiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiiyiyiyiyiyiyi! Intruderalert! Intruderallert! Call out the marines! The Royal Canadian Mounties! Call the palace guard call anybody!”, a voice shouted hysterically. Everyone turned to see an Alpha series droid running around more so like a nervous nelly than usual. In fact this android acted like a nervous nelly on speed.
“DALPHA FIVE WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!”, a voice boomed throughout the room that sounded nothing like Chris Jerico. Kelsey and the other rangers turned to look at where the voice had come from and saw….
“Guys? there’s a head in a fish bowl right there!”, Kelsey said.
“Hey Gordon!”, Greenie shouted. Gordon rolled his eyes annoyed by his Blunder Rangers and the visitors they had with them. The robots seemed to barely be able to fit into the room.
“Oh man talk about giving a head an anxiety attack. Where’s my stash?”, the head in a fish bowl called Gordon said looking around the room for something.
Aiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi. Gordon you have been dipping into your stashes too much. “, the android known as Dalpha 5 said. Dalpha 5 looked a lot loke Alpha 5 but Adam and Tanya quickly realized that Dalpha was more high strung than Alpha was.
“WHAT ARE YOU MY MOTHER?!!!! GET ME A JOINT AND GET IT NOW!!!!”, Gordon bellowed. Dalpha quickly went around searching for a joint for Gordon while he mumbled, “Is it any wonder why he was chosen most annoying creature in the universe.” He then turned to where the Blunder Rangers and Kelsey, Sorrero, Adam, Tanya, Kai, Damon Slapdash, Getaway and Wreck-Gar stood. “Oh it’s you what do you want?”, Gordon asked the Blunder Rangers.
“Well… uh… we… uh… “, Adam said trying to find the words.
“Hurry up will you I ain’t got all day!”, Gordon shouted.
Prancer started to speak. Everyone rolled their eyes back. “Uhhh, hiMr. Gordon. I’myournewBlunderRanger. MynameisPrancerDancer, buteveryonecallsme’Princess’. And wearesoooolikehereinthisworld, coolworldbytheway, tofind theMatrixofHumortostoptheOrderofDestructionfrom destroyingalltheuniverses, andalsobecauseIneedBlunder Rangertraining. AreyoulikegoingtobemyYoda?”
Gordon sighed. “I cannot believe it. I have finally found a creature even more annoying than Dalpha 5.” If Dalpha could have smiled he would have.
“So you are looking for the Matrix of Humor are you? Well then if you are to be sucessful then you must go to seek out the Grand Duke of the Parody Dimension. “, Gordon said. “But you must make haste. For the longer a normal person stays here the more like the Parody Dimension they will become.
“You mean if we stay in this room we’ll turn into Parody people?”, Sorrero asked.
“NO YOU MORON!”, Gordon shouted. “If you stay in this dimension you will become like the Parody Dimension!”
“In other words you’ll be just like us. “, Poindexter said. Getaway, Slapdash and the others seemed to get lumps in their throat. Wreck-Gar however didn’t seem to be bothered, nor did Sorrero.
“Party-time!”, Wreck-Gar shouted. Sorrero just shrugged and said, “No one thinks I’m that normal anyway. I probably won’t see it coming.”
“Nevertheless, I think we should get out of here as quickly as we can. “, Kai advised. Everyone nodded and made ready to leave when Damon suddenly asked “Wait a minute. Where’s the door here?”
“AIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI!”, Gordon shouted. Dalpha immediately said. “Hey that’s my line. It’s in my contract.” Dalpha immediately produced a sheet of paper that said ‘Dalpha sez that’.
“SHUT UP DALPHA AND TELEPORT THESE…… PEOPLE OUT OF HERE!”, Gordon bellowed. Dalpha did so and teleported the Blunder Rangers and their friends to the palace of the Great One.
The Blunder Rangers teleported out just as two hoodlums busted into the main chamber. “Aiyiyiyiyiyiyi yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!”, Dalpha shouted.
“All right Gordon!”, the first thug said. “Where’s our money? Big Louie doesn’t like it when morphin masters welch on their debts.”
Gordon found himself swallowing his joint and burning his throat in worry.
The Blunder Rangers and friends arrived on the steps of the home of the Great One where a butler was waiting. Why they didn’t have to wait I don’t know. “What can I do for you young gentlemen and ladies?”
“I hope it’s not too much trouble, but were here to see the Great one. “, Greenie said to the butler. “It’s a matter of grat humorous importance.”
“Not at all. The Blunder Rangers are always welcome in the palace of the great one. “, the duke said. “As are their friends.”
“The great one? Do you mean Jackie Gleason?”, Sorrero asked confused but into the spitit of the dimension. Jackie Gleason was the only great one he knew about. Even more confused since Gleason was dead.
“Ah I see you remember the episode of Night Court we aired here years ago. “, the duke explained.
“Yeah with that island girl who had ‘voovah’ with Judge Stone?”, Poindexter added remembering the episode.
“And were saved when Judge Stone did that coin trick?”, Bretta adding in her two cents.
“We have a winner. Rod Roddy show them what they’ve won. “, Wreck Gar said. Kai however said, “People we have some business to do here.” Turning to the butler Kai asked. “The Great one where is he?”
The butler checked his watch and said, “He should be coming right about now.” Then strange music filled the palace throne room.
“What does everybody want? HEAD!!!”, came the music. And out came a strange long haired man who carried a mannequin head with him holding it into the air whenever the word ‘Head’ was said.
“What does everybody need? HEAD!!!”, came the song again, and again the Great One brought up the mannequin head.
“Blunder Rangers may I present to you the Great One Al Snow, and his most trusted advisor Head.”
“What does everybody love? HEAD!!!”, went the song as Al Snow approached the assembled rangers. “Hi, how ya doing? What brings you to my humble establishment?”
Kelsey was speechless. She knew of Al Snow from watching the World Wrestling Federation on T. V. whenever she wanted to watch the Hardy Boyz in action. She knew Al Snow was a goofball who Mick Foley always made fun of, acted crazy alost all the time if not all the time, and most of all talked to a mannequin head he always carried with him called ‘Head’. In fact Al had ‘Head’ with him, and in the Parody Dimension he was the Great one. “Do you live here Mr. Snow?, Kelsey asked.
“No this is my summer home. “, Al said when he brought ‘Head’ up to his ear. He then turned to the rangers and said, “Head’s got a 2 o’clock. Whatever you guys are here for make it snappy.”
“Well o great and all goofilicious one!”, Poindexter said hamming it up before Al. “We are on a search for the Matrix of Humor so we can bring light and goodness throughout the…”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah I get the hint kid. “, Al said then Head gave it’s two cents worth.
“You sure?”, Al asked Head. “You’re not jiving me are you?” Adam, Tanya, Kai and Damon looked on at Al wondering what was going on with the man.
“Don’t worry. “, Bretta reassured them. “He does whatever the voices in his head tell him to do.” Bretta chuckled at her little joke and Greenie even added, “She made a funny.” and laughter echoed throughout the room as if an audience was laughing and applauding.
“You love me! You really love me!”, Bretta said as Poindexter handed her an Oscar and an audience applauded before disapearing. It was then that Al had a revelation. No, not that he’d be World Wrestling Federation Champion, but rather where the Matrix of Humor might be.
“Here take these. “, Al said handing out six tickets. “These are backstage passes to special areas where the Matrix of Humor that you’re looking for might be.” Bretta grabbed them and passed them out to the team. Adam and Tanya got their tickets along with their partners. Kelsey and Wreck-Gar were teamed together. Kai and Damon had a pass. Poindexter and Prancer were teamed together, as were Bretta and Greenie. Sorrero had a pass all to himself.
“Well as my good friend Mick Foley likes to say, ‘Have a nice day!”. The groups thanked Al then split up to go to the places Al had set up for them. “We are going to have some fun now. “, Al said as the rangers left.
Wraith continued to run as Tom Cat continued to chase her. Rounding a corner Wraith saw a can of paint and immediately painted a quick tunnel which she ran inside. Tom, not one to pass up a free meal, quickly ran in after her.
The next thing that happened was a train whistle started to sound and a train came out of the tunnel and went out the front door which was left opened by another ‘interested party’ that I will be getting into later.
Tom by the way was stuck on the front of the train holding on for dear life as the sign on the train said ‘Detroit’. Tom Cat was on a one way trip to the motor city.
Back in the house Wraith stuck her head out of the tunnel and looked around to see if the coast was clear. Seeing that it was she walked down the hallway heading towards the front door. Standing in front of the door was a black and white pddy tat with his son who looked very much like his father.
“EEEEEEK”, Wraith shouted suddenly running for her life again.
“Go get her pop! Go get her!”, Sylvester Jr. said pushing Sylvester forward with his little paws.
“Okay! Okay! Thtop rushing me!”, Sylvester said before charging after Wraith. Sylvester Jr. looking on with pride.
“Yep There goesth my pop!”, Junior said to the hidden camera.
Sylvester was hot on Wraith’s tail while Wraith ducked behind a corner. She had to do something about Sylvester quick and decided to try another toon stunt. Putting her left thumb in her mouth she filled herself up hith hot air making her grow bigger and bigger until she was as big as a blimp. Then taking out a pin she popped herself and went flying all around the city block for Sylvester to see.
When Sylvester saw where Wraith had landed he went to see if she was good enough for Junior to eat. Instead of a small disoriented mouse Sylvester the cat saw Wraith the fire goddess hot bothered and POe’d.
“Thufferin Thuccotasth!”, Sylvester said as he turned white as a sheet at the sight of Wraith. A fire bolt ready in her hand.
The next thing that happened was a howl of a puddy tat going for miles around.
“Well did you get my dinner father? Did you get it? Huh? Huh?”, Sylvester Jr asked the charred burnt form of Sylvester who only fell forward on his face much to his son’s dissapointment. “For sthame!”, Junior said placing a paper bag over his head.
Sylvester lay on the ground glaring at Junior and only said, “Thpoiled brat!”
Moldar and Winston led the visiting villians back into Wraith’s throne room. Weirdwolf, Brachian, the Triad, Kegler, Jinxer and the Killjoys were all complaining in their own unique ways.
“Hey can I help it if Wraith forgot to tell us where to go?”, Moldar said. “Her memory is worse than Tommy Oliver’s.” After thinking about it for a second, all the villians agreed.
“Not to mention she’s dumber than a doorstop. “, Winston said. This brought out laughter from everyone, even silent laughter from the Triad.
“I heard someone ask her what two plus two was. And she answered with fifty-five!”, Kegler said. The villians laughed at that too. Soon every villian was coming up with dumb jokes for Wraith. Except for the Triad who couldn’t speak.
Then suddenly the door to the throne room burst open and Wraith stood with her dress all torn and filthy and smoke coming from her which was a mix of anger and odor, which caused all the villians to stop laughing right then and there. Her face was contorted to one that was a mixture of angry brat to pissed off witch. Both fit her well at that moment.
“Moldar!! Don’t you even ASK!!!!”, Wraith shouted as she went into her closet and changed into another dress. “Now what are you doing here?”
Moldar cleared his throat and started to speak. “Uhhh… well. While you told us to search for the Matrix of Humor, you didn’t tell us where to start looking for it.”
“Oh. “, Wraith said realizing her screw-up. “Sorry about that.” She looked over the assemblage of villians seeing who she was going to have working for her, then her eyes fell upon Brachian and his Triad.
“Well well well. Emissary Brachian. “, Wraith said coyly. “Long time no see. At least not since your master exiled me to this dimension here.”
“He had no choice. If you stayed in the real world you would have destroyed it. “, Brachian said sure of himself. Wraith just dismissed the comment with a wave. “If you say so. “, she said.
“But thanks to our hidden cameras. We are all able to find out where these rangers are going to go.” Wraith activated a giant T. V. screen and it showed Al Snow handing out the tickets to the rangers in his house. She then activated a lever on her door and a glow appeared.
“Now all you have to do is go through the door and you will find yourself at the place the rangers went. Now leave quickly or you’ll upset my guest.”
“Your guest Mistress?”, Winston asked. His question was soon answered when all the villians saw the massive form of Monster Bretta standing in the doorway. “MALES!!!!!!”, she screamed as she charged towards the villians.
The villians soon all stumbled out the door tripping themselves as they ran from Monster Bretta. “It’s so hard to get good help these days. “, Wraith said sitting in her chair exausted by the hard day.
The montage opened as the theme music hit with two women walking by with the camera making sure to show their cleavage. Then the guitar chords hit as the Parody Dimension’s number one favorite cop show was coming on-Mirinoi Vice.
The environment showed the tropical paradise that was Mirinoi then went to an ocean shot that showed the first credit- ‘Starring Kai Chen’.
Then more shots of Mirinoi were shown as the Mirinoi Vice theme continued to play, which strangely sounded like the Miami Vice theme back in the real world. The next credit to come up was ‘Also Starring Damon Henderson.”
The final credit to come up, after more tropical shots, as well as those of Mirinoian women in their famous ‘skin’ outfits, which read “And Kegler as Shorty”.
After the song and the clips ended the show began.
In a seedy dive on Mirinoi, business was going on as usual. In a back table a Mirinoian and a colonist were doing an illegal grass for cash deal. The bartender was watering down the drinks, and three Mirinoian beauties were busy dancing for the unsavory crowds delight, especially since they were breaking in a new colonist dancer.
Then with a kick to the weed door dressed in miami suit jackets, pants and t shirts came Kai ‘Sonny’ Crockett and his partner Damon Tubbs. Their guns aimed and at the ready as they raided the joint.
“Nobody move this is a bust!”, Kai had said. One of the Mirinoian dancers came up to the two and said, “Are you sure about that officer?” as she showed her chest to both Kai and Damon.
Damon smiled from ear to ear. “Ohhh man Kai did we pick a good show or what?”
“What?”, Kai asked then slapped Damon upside the head. “Stick to the script we have a job to do.”
Going over to the bar Kai saw the bartender going about his business. “Yo, barkeep. What do you know about ‘Shorty’? He flashed a twenty in front of the bartender but seemed unfazed by it.
“Your money is no good here. “, the bartender said. Kai and Damon had to try a different tactic.
Damon took a slip of paper from out of his jacket pocket and handed it to the bartender. “What about this?”, Damon asked the bartender.
The bartender looked at the slip then said, “He’s in the back room. Go through the love beads.”
“Thanks. “, Kai said as he and Damon headed to the back. “What did you give him?”, Kai asked Damon.
“Title and deed to my waterbed. “, Damon answered. Kai got confused. “But you don’t have a waterbed.”
“Damon Henderson doesn’t true, but Damon Tubbs sure does. Stick to the script man have fun with it.” Kai rolled his eyes as he and Damon continued towards the back.
“I don’t see why we have to go through these shows in order to find the Matrix. “, Kai complained. Damon just sighed.
“Man you really need to loosen up. Have some fun, you’re too into your work.” Kai considered Damon’s statement then asked, “Is that from ‘Damon Tubbs’ too?”
“No that’s from Damon Henderson, AND Damon Tubbs. “, Damon chuckled as they came to the love beads entry. “After you?”, Damon asked Kai. Kai sighed and walked in, followed by Damon. Inside the room were more love beads accessorized with lava lamps and whatever other ‘totems of love’ that people could think of. The room was in a dark red haze that seemed to make most everything a shade of red, even the bed in front of them.
“Nice place. “, Damon said. “I take it that’s ‘Shorty’?”
Kai and Damon turned to see the figure in bed being tended to by three beautiful women in two piece outfits. They both couldn’t believe who they saw in the middle of the bed.
“KEGLER?!”, they both shouted.
“Oh yes! YES! I love this episode!”, Kegler said as a woman was running her fingers through his forehead. “This is a wonderful show to be in.”
Kai and Damon shook their heads and looked back at Kegler(ohh excuse me!)-Shorty and immediately went to ask him questions, but not after Kai and Damon flashed their badges as is customary in cop shows.
“Vice, Mirinoi. “, Kai said finally getting into the spirit of things. “We’d like to ask you a few questions.”
Shorty greeted the two ranger cops as best he could, seeing as how he was laying in bed and he didn’t want the girls to leave. “Why of course officers. What can I do for you?”
Damon stepped forward. “We hear you may have a lead on where the Matrix of Humor is. You’ve always been a co-operative informant for us in the past. I hope you haven’t decided to go back on all the hospitality the Mirinoi Police Department has shown you in the past.”
Shorty continued to lay smiling. “Gentlemen, I would love to help you find your matrix. Really I do. But you see, I have been approached with a better offer.”
Suddenly Kai and Damon felt the pressure of something reminiscent of guns jabbing them in their backs. Their own guns were taken away and Shorty stood smiling. No one may have gotten hurt in the Parody Dimension, but Kai and Damon didn’t really know that despite getting up from a running slam by Monster Bretta.
“Take them out back and dust them. “, he said as the Tangos escorted Kai and Damon out. Shorty went back to his massage.
Standing out in the desert Michael Sorrero waited for some sort of sign to appear for him. Finally he reached behind him and pulled up one saying ‘Coyote Night Ranger-Matrixicus Searchius’.
Then a blurr of speed came rushing by shouting “meep meep” as it went. Sorrero pulled out another sign which said ‘Road Runner-Diversionous warp speedicus’.
Another figure roared past Sorrero mowing him down. When Sorrero lay on his back he held up another sign which said ‘Coyote-Hungrious Maximus’.
And on top of a mountain looking down at the three figures below, three figures above held up a sign that said ‘Triad-Evilous Superious’. Body held up a sign saying ‘Body-Brawnicus Bruticus. ‘
Mind then held up a sign that said ‘Mind-Nerdicus Mentallus’. And Soul held up a sign that said ‘Soul-Hearticus Breakius’.
Sorrero had his Harley close by and decided to ride it up to where the Triad stood. The Triad saw the approaching motorcycle and heard Sorrero call out “COYOTENIGHT!” as he morphed into his ranger costume.
Body then turned from his lookout position and faced Soul and Mind. The last thing he did was give his partners a wave before they heard and felt the crash of Sorrero’s morphed Harley ramming right into their backs.
Sorrero then rode on the highway following the Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner. The Triad was left behind delerious from being ran down by Sorrero, until a light bulb flashed over Mind’s head indicating that he had an idea.
An idea that was bad for Sorrero.
Adam and Tanya had transformed from being the engines of Slapdash and Getaway and took in their surroundings. It looked like an old hotel with a bar close by. They turned to look at the sign which read ‘The Cannonball Pub’, and in the parking lot were a lot of different cars, but only a few of them built for one thing-speed.
“So explain to me what we’re doing here Adam?, Tanya asked.
“Well according to this ticket. We’re supposed to be doing the movie ‘Cannonball Run 3-the next race’. “, Adam said reading the ticket.
“Great! So Getaway and Slapdash will have something to do, but I don’t see what we are doing here. “, Tanya commented. Adam said that they were in this hotel bar looking for drivers. Looking over at the bar they saw an old familiar face talking with a lady who was looking to light her cigarette. Little did he realize that he had left his lighter in blowtorch mode and sent the young lady running in terror with half her face burnt and her hair on fire due to gallons and gallons of hair spray used on it.
“Nice job Mr. Blank. “, Adam said chuckling. Point Blank turned and saw Adam and Tanya and waved. “Ah, good to see you my young friends. I take it you are cannonballers as well?”
“No we’re looking for something else. “, Tanya said and moved Adam along quickly.
“What does all of this have to do with finding the Matrix anyway? Tanya asked. “I mean where does a road race fit into saving the universes?”
“You know Tanya, I really don’t know. But if going along with this helps out with finding the matrix, I say we go for it.” Adam and Tanya walked into the bar where all the drivers were supposed to be. To their surprise they saw an arab shiek who looked a lot like Jamie Farr with a beard, two men dressed as priests, and one guy who looked like Burt Reynolds who looked like he was being embarrased. Mostly due to his friend in the red mask and cape.
Knowing they were going to regret the move they were about to do Adam and Tanya walked over and asked the Burt Reynolds look alike “Is there something wrong?”
“Dan da daaaaaa!”, the man in the red mask sang. Adam could make out the word ‘chaos’ on the top of the mask. “Why no good citizen. Nothing that Captain Chaos and his faitful companion Cato can’t fix. Say hello Cato!”
‘Burt’ gave a wave and then said, “Sorry, I’m J. J. McClure and this is my friend Victor Prensey.” Adam and Tanya then turned to look at Captain Chaos and found the mask removed revealing the face of Victor.
“Hi. Sorry about that scare I gave you. “, Victor said making reference to his ‘Captain Chaos’ persona. “He always comes out when least expected.”
“Don’t worry about it. “, Tanya assured Victor. “Actually I thought it was kind of cute. Victor blushed. “So are you driving?”
“Uhhh no.” Adam said. “We’re just looking for a little something. Why are you?”
“We would but we need a car. “, Victor said. “Actually a lot of drivers need cars.”
“Yeah there’s some sort of crackdown going on on drivers and their cars. “, J. J. explained. “Drivers are looking for whatever wheels they can get for competing in the Cannonball race. A coast to coast race where you have to race through police dragnets and whatever so you can get across the finish line.”
“Oh well we have two cars you could use. “, Tanya said. “It’s no problem.”
“You sure”, Victor asked.
“Sure. “, Adam said. “You can use either one of our cars. Just be careful we’re kind of… attatched to them.”
“Hey there’s another racing team that could use another car. That’s them over there.” Victor pointed to two guys in white jumpsuits having a conversation of some sort. One seemed calm about it while the other seemed very high strung. Adam stood and walked over to the other two drivers.
“I’ll go check out the cars. “, Tanya said getting up and leaving Victor and J. J. alone.
“Wow isn’t this great J. J. ?”, Victor said ecstatically. “Just think. Fast car, nice lady, you, me, and… ah…. HIM!”
J. J. looked at Victor sternly. “Don’t start with him. I don’t want to hear anything about him.”
Adam continued to walk into the bar when he saw two guys arguing. One spoke in Japanese and looked a lot like Jackie Chan while the other looked like he might have played Jaws in the James Bond movie ‘The spy who loved me’. “Excuse me?”, Adam asked.
His words fell on deaf ears as ‘Jackie’ and ‘Jaws’ continued to argue. “Excuse me!”, Adam shouted again. Still Jackie and Jaws argued.
Adam brought up his leg and brought it down with a meanacing ax kick that split the table and got Jackie and Jaws’s attention. Jaws looked at the table that Adam smashed and said, “You gonna pay for that?”
Adam sighed and then said, “Yeah I’ll pay for it, but I’m also told that you guys needed a car.”
Jackie spoke in Japanese and asked “Are you offering?” Adam said, “Yeah I am.”
Jackie then jumped into the air and split the table next to the one Adam smashed as he landed on it. Jaws looked on amused.
“Looks like we got a car buddy!”, Jaws exclaimed. Jackie cheered.
The next world seemed to resemble Mariner Bay as the Blue Lightspeed ranger faced off against Vypra trying to protect the mermaid Marrina from her and the batlings.
“Now that was low Vypra. “, Blue Ranger Chad Lee said to Vypra as he referred to the pearl gift from her that was nothing more than a deadly trap. .
“You don’t know how low I can go!”, Vypra said pointing her sword at Chad Lee the Blue Ranger.
Next thing that happened Greenie ran onto the dock with a bucket and a scrub brush and proceeded to wash out Vypra’s mouth with soap. “Please, don’t say stuff like that this is ‘Power Rangers’ not the Porno channel!”
Vypra was spitting out soap and the Blue Ranger started laughing as the director looked on and screamed “Cut! get that looney out of here!” Bretta looked on from behind a tree burying her head in her hands. Not far away Brachian stood and looked down on the scene as well. “Ahh bad!”, he said referring to the joke that just took place.
Bretta and Brachian decided to just leave the set they were on while Greenie was escorted off the set by security. The director had to order Michael Chanturtabut and Jennifer L. Yen to get ready for the retake.
“This is what I get for listening to Saban and him telling me to film in the parody dimension. “, the director cursed. Needless to say Bretta and Greenie didn’t find the matrix there.
The Triad looked down from the top of the mountain waiting for Sorrero to ride by. Each member had a pair of Acme jet skis on their feet. Their diligence was rewarded when the sound of Sorrero’s Harley came closer and the Triad saw Sorrero riding down the road.
They raced down the hill at rocket power looking to intercept Sorrero like hunters seeing their prey in their gun sights. They could see the defeat of the forces of good in their minds.
Suddenly the mountain range turned into a slope and the Triad were soon launched up into the air like skiiers on a ski jump. And if it wasn’t any worse, the rockets ran out of fuel as they were stuck in mid air. If they could have screamed they would have.
Gravity then took over as the Triad dropped down to the ground below and landed with a puff of smoke. As they all crawled out of their impact holes Wile E. Coyote came out of one of his own made earlier. He held up a sign that said ‘Don’t worry. It gets easier with practice. ‘ before collapsing on the ground again.
This was only the first of many pratfalls to come though for the Triad.
Kelsey was on Wreck-Gar as he was transformed into motorcycle mode and she rode him down a road that was lined with a lot of trees and farmhouses. It would have reminded her of old American farmhouses, but they didn’t seem to have that ‘down-home country’ feel to them that she knew American houses to have.
“Where did that idiot Al snow send us Wreck-Gar?”, Kelsey asked her motorcycle/Junkion companion Wreck-Gar however answered by singing the country song ‘On the road again’. Kelsey had to laugh at Wreck-Gar’s answer. The Junkion sure did have a sense of humor about him.
Kelsey continued to ride further when all of a sudden three men stood in front of her path all seeming to be carrying shotguns on them. When they aimed at her Kelsey stopped Wreck-Gar and eyed them further. Strangely enough they all seemed to wear World War II Nazi Uniforms, and one of them looked a little fatter than the others. Have I stepped into some World War Two movie or something?, Kelsey mentally asked herself.
The response from the fat Nazi answered her question. “Throw down your weapons and surrender!!! You are now a prisoner of Stalag 13!”
Kelsey looked confused but Wreck-Gar recognized the nazi right away. “Schultz!”, he said doing an impression of Commandant Wilhelm Klink of Hogan’s Heroes.
Sergeant Schultz immediately stood at attention and said “Ya Voum Herr Kommandant!” as did the rest of the guards. When he decided to look around to see where Kommandant Klink was Kelsey rode Wreck-Gar past Sergeant Schultz and his party.
“You want to explain to me what’s going on and why we have suddenly appeared on an episode of Hogan’s Heroes?”, Kelsey asked Wreck-Gar as she was riding.
“Don’t ask me. I know nothing!”, Wreck Gar responded as they continued to ride.
Kelsey and Wreck-Gar continued to ride hoping Schultz and his guards didn’t have transportation, and wondering how she got into a ‘Hogan’s Heroes’ episode in the first place. But then they were both stopped by an army of armed guards that Wreck-Gar seemed to know all to well.
“Killjoys. What a revoltin’ development. “, Wreck-Gar said. Kelsey immediately got off Wreck-Gar and he transformed into his Junkion mode.
“LIGHTSPEED RESCUE!”, Kelsey said morphing into the Yellow Lightspeed ranger. Kelsey and Wreck-Gar tore straight into the armored warriors like there was no tomorrow. Kelsey used her ranger moves against some while Wreck-Gar cleaned house with his Junkion axe.
Schultz and his guard ran up as Kelsey and Wreck-Gar were into their fight. One of the guards turned to Schultz and asked, “Herr Sergeant. Is this a part of the script?”
“Don’t ask me. I know nothing!”, Schultz said as he continued to watch the fight. Kelsey turned to see Schultz standing there and called out “Get out of here!”, before tossing a Killjoy over her shoulder and go flying towards Schultz.
Schultz saw the Killjoy land close to his feet, and ran away screaming “I SEE NOTHING!!!NOTHINGGGGG!!!!”
Kelsey and Wreck~ Gar made it through the Killjoy army before them and Kelsey let out a sigh. “I’ll bet none of the others had to go through this.”
Wreck-Gar looked over the horizon and saw more trouble coming. “Hey there sports fans. We’ve got incoming wounded. Both shifts to OR on the double!” Kelsey turned to look and saw more Killjoys coming down the road. “Well isn’t that just great?”, Kelsey said.
Wreck-Gar transformed back into his motorcycle mode and Kelsey hopped back on as they roared away from the Killjoys like there was no tomorrow. As they continued to ride down a farmhouse opened up and a man in a british uniform waved at her to come into the barn. “Hey sweetness! Over here! We’ve got a place for you to hide. “, the soldier called out.
Kelsey, thinking back to her times of watching Nick and Nite remembered the soldier as being Peter Newkirk, one of Hogan’s men from ‘Hogan’s Heroes’. Needing to know what was going on Kelsey rode Wreck-Gar into the barn saying “This is getting weirder and weirder.”
“Egad Holmes the game’s afoot!”, Wreck-Gar responded. Soon they were both in the barn and Newkirk shut the barn door alond with a short Frenchman who Kelsey immediately recognized as Louis LeBeau.
Coming out of the shadows of the barn was the leader of the heroes, along with the other two members of the unit-Carter and Kinchloe, Colonel Robert Hogan. “Welcome to the Hogan’s Heroes set. “, Hogan said.
Kelsey looked on in confusionas she de-morphed. “Wait a minute. Wasn’t ‘Hogan’s Heroes’ cancelled?”, Kelsey asked.
“Everyone thinks that, even if our pointmen are dead now. “, Hogan said remembering actor Bob Crane who’s name he used. Every now and then Newkirk would leave the Parody Dimension to get in on his pointman Richard Dawson’s action. “But actually episodes are still being shot here in the Parody Dimension. Don’t you ever wonder why there always seems like there’s a new episode on T. V. Land even though you’ve seen a lot of repeats?”
“Like the one with the Heavy Water and having Klink think it grows back hair?”, Kelsey said remembering that episode.
“Yeah. You’ve seen that one what, five or six times?” Kelsey nodded at Hogan’s assessment. “But only recently have we done an episode where Klink tries to find our underground lair and destroy it only to lead him back to his own camp.” Kelsey looked confused at what Hogan meant and the expression on her face showed that. “You should have seen the expression on Schultz’s face. “, Hogan then added.
“Wait a minute. “, Kelsey then said. “Does this mean Klink and Schultz know they are characters as well?”, Kelsey asked.
“Well they do but they don’t seem to care. “, Kinchloe said. “At least we don’t think they do.”
“Yeah, Schultz and Klink seem to be pretty good about it. “, Carter said. “They don’t seem to mind going through the same motions at all.” Kelsey seemed to get more confused by the minute.
Newkirk looked over at Kelsey and asked, “So what’s a nice piece o’ pretty like you doing in a place like this?”
Kelsey looked at Hogan and the Heroes and immediately knew what her response would be. “Don’t ask me. I know nothing!”, she said in her best Sergeant Schultz voice.
Poindexter and Prancer arrived falling from the sky and landing in the water below. Prancer was the first to the surface and began speaking a mile a minute as she was struggling to keep afloat.
“EEEWWWWW!”, Prancer said completely drenched. “Do youknowhowmuchitlikecoststoreplacecashmere?It’slike totallyexpensiveman. Imeanlikemydaddy’sfourthcousinlike boughtthisblouseformybirthdayandnowitwillbelikeI’llbe luckytosellitfortwentycentsatthefleamarket!”
Poindexter rolled his eyes and would have asked Prancer to be quiet except his pants were caught by some sort of fish hook and he was being reeled in. “Heylikedon’tforgetme!”, Prancer said as she grabbed onto Poindexter’s shirt and found themselves being reeled in to a small cabin cruiser where it looked like the Magna Defender was fishing, but the voice of the mysterious announcer quickly put their curiosity to rest as the two Blunder Rangers got out of the water and wondered where an announcer’s voice comes from while they are outside.
“And now ladies and worms it’s time for everybody’s favorite fishing show-Fishing with the Moron Offender!!!” A sound of canned applause filled the air as the announcer continued his speech.
“And now here’s your host. The best fisherman in all the Parody Dimension, THE MORON OFFENDER!!!” Applause filled the air again as someone who looked like the Magna Defender walked out except he had on a fishing helmet and rubber waders on. He also had a fishing pole that was unlike any fishing pole anyone had ever seen.
Moron Offender turned to the hidden cameras and addressed his audience. “Hello everyone. Welcome to fishing with the Moron Offender. With me today are two of our worlds greatest heroes, the Blunder Rangers known as Poindexter Blastings. “, Poindexter stepped forward and gave a small wave before stepping back.
“And his companion…. uh…. What is your name again?”, Moron asked Prancer.
Prancer stepped forward all wiled eyed and enthusiastic. “OhmyGOSH!I’MLIKEONT. V. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! IlikesototallydreamedaboutbeingonT. V. Like, youknow, ona fashionshowlikemyfourthcousinBetty, orarunwaymodellike mytwenty-eighthcousinPatsy. Definitelynotonafishingshow though, ImeanthiswouldhavebeenthelastplaceIthoughtI’dbe onT. V. Arethereanyfashionshowsinthisdimension?IthinkI mightliketodoalittlerunwaymodelingorsomething. Whatare thebigfashionshere?Dosupermodelsvisithere?Isotottally wanttobeonasmuchT. V. asIcanhere. Whereis… ?”
Prancer never finished her sentence since Moron Offender swung his fishing pole around knocking Prancer back into the lake. “And now let’s start with casting the line. “, Moron Offender said as he threw his pole back and cast the line into the water, unknown that he also sent Poindexter’s pants into the water as well.
Poindexter immediately stepped back from the Moron Offender hoping not to have anything else lost should Moron cast off again. After a good long time(the sunset twice) Moron finally got a bite. Reeling it in he found his line had connected to shark Dopey Dick who once gave Yosemete Sam trouble when he was Robinson Caruso in a WB cartoon.
And handling the matter in typical Yosemete Sam fashion Moron Offender beat Dopey Dick down with his fishing pole shouting “DOWN! DOWN! DOWN! BACK! BACK! BACK! YA FLEA BITTEN VARMINT!!!”
Dopey Dick then squealed away, but the damage was done. Dopey had bitten the boat in two and it had started to sink with Moron Offender standing on one end and the Blunder Ranger on the other. Prancer took a kazoo out of her shopping bag and Poindexter played ‘Taps’ as the boat went down.
After getting another boat Moron cast the line again he throwing in Poindexter’s shirt as well. After screaming he immediately looked for a bathrobe to wear afraid that Moron Offender would take a piece of clothing he DEFINITELY didn’t want him to take. Poindexter ripped off Prancer’s cashmere shirt putting it around his waist if Moron’s next cast went bust.
“HEY!”, Prancer said leaving her in her bra and skirt. But the applause of the audience and cat calls warmed Prancer’s heart and she had taken a bow.
Moron Offender then had a bite and started to real it in. Only this time it was dumbell that fell through the boat as it set down. The giant hole in the boat caused the whole fishing party to sink.
After getting ANOTHER new boat Moron cast the line one more time, taking Prancer’s shirt off Poindexter in the process and started to feel a bite right away again.
“OHHH IT’S A BIG ONE!!!IT’S REALLY A BIG ONE!!!!”, Moron Offender shouted. Poindexter and Prancer helped Moron Offender real in his catch quickly feeling the strength of the being on the other end of the line. Soon the prey was close enough to the boat….
… and Moron Offender, Poindexter and Prancer came face to face with Monster Bretta.
“MALES!!!”, Monster Bretta screamed.
Never before had Poindexter and the Moron Offender paddled so hard and so fast. Never before did Monster Bretta swim so hard after them like she was running a triathelon.
At the starting line of the Cannonball, Winston and Jinxer walked up to a red Ferrari that it’s previous occupants were no longer using. “You sure about this?, Jinxer asked Winston.
“Positive. Moldar and Weirdwolf can handle the other racers, especially those two Powermaster Rangers. All we have to do is win.”
“I have an idea about that. “, Jinxer had said. “Do you still have those clothes those two were using?” Winston opened the car door up and took out two preacher’s uniforms that belonged to the previous occupants. Two guys known as Fenderbaum and Blake who had to… leave suddenly.
“What are we going to do with two preachers uniforms?”, Winston asked Jinxer.
“Never question the will of the good word my son. “, Jinxer said puting a priests collar around his waist. “Especially since God is going to be our co-pilot.”
Winston went up to Jinxer and said, “God’s gonna be our co-pilot?”, Jinxer nodded with a smile wider than his usual one.
“But it’s a two mutant car. Where’s he gonna sit?”
Point Blank walked across the parking lot to get to his new car which was reminiscent of a customized British sports car. As he walked he had passed Adam and Tanya getting their Powermaster vehicles ready.
Adam transformed into Slapdash’s engine just as Jackie and Jaws arrived. Jackie pointed to Adam as he transformed as said a lot of things along the line of “Look he transformed!”
Victor was also approaching and saw Adam transform too. Tanya quickly explained how she and Adam were Powermaster components to their Cybertron partners. Tanya’s was Getaway while Adam’s was Slapdash. Victor, Jackie and Jaws took a minute to comprehend the concept and nodded “Ohhhhh!”, as if understanding.
Point Blank, catching the ruckus, went over and decided to offer his own two cents. “Well I hope you all are sucessful, and may the better man win. Whoever the case may be.” Point Blank then tugged his own suit collar as if stating that he would be the better man, while also releasing his emergency parachute from his suit jacket used in case of sky diving accident. Feet and feet of parachute were strewn all over the ground behind Point Blank. Getaway, Slapdash, Tanya and Victor couldn’t help but chuckle. Adam also got in a laugh knowing what happened.
Jackie came up to Point Blank and said in his best Bond villian voice “Good afternoon Mister Blank” before getting into Slapdash. Jaws gave a monsterous grin as he got into the driver’s side. Point Blank quickly gathered up his strew chute, and ran back to his own car.
Tanya transformed into Getaway’s engine as J. J. had a gorgeous blonde with him whith whom he was flirting with. “So you like being in the winning car huh?”, J. J. said smoothly. “Well I’ve got a winner right here.” Tanya sighed as if saying “Oh brother.”
“You can say that again. “, Getaway said but a “Dan da da!!!!!” from Victor as Captain Chaos killed the mood fo J. J. right there.
“Ahhh, my faithful friend J. J. We have a race to win. Shall we be off?” The blonde after seeing Victor ran quickly away from J. J. , and J. J. gave Victor a look that said, ‘You are so dead!’
The racers immediately drove up to the time clock and punched in their time cards before driving off. Victor punched in the card for Getaway, Tanya and J. J. before driving off.
After the Shiek, two drivers in a 60’s love mobile, two playcops in an old patrol cruiser, Point Blank in his ‘Bond’ car, and some other drivers punched in their cards, Jackie and Jaws came driving in Slapdash with Adam as the engine and Jackie did a flip over the hood, punched in their card and drove off.
Winston and Jinxer then drove up in their Ferrari and Winston punched in their card as they drove off. Other drivers followed as well.
The Cannonball Run was on again.
Kegler led Kai and Damon into an abandoned warehouse(duh!) just off the coast of the Mirinoian ocean. Kegler’s henchmen were escorting Kai and Damon with weapons drawn while Kegler himself was escorted by two of his ladies.
Turning around Kegler looked at Kai and Damon. “I am so sorry, but I’m afraid I must stop you from finding the matrix. My benefactors would not be too happy if I let you obtain it.”
“These benefactors wouldn’t happen to be Destructor, Evil Q and Zanzibar now would they?”, Kai asked Kegler.
“And what if they are? What’s it to you?”, Kegler answered as he got giddy from a buxom blonde tickling his chin.
“Ohh man that has to be the sorriest sight I’ve ever seen. “, Damon said looking on. “I mean how can Kegler get all those honeys to fall for him?”
“Maybe because he’s loaded? On this show the bad guys usually are. “, Kai answered but then he turned back to Kegler and asked the tough question. “What’s gonna happen if and when the big three decide to cut off your account and you have no more money to pay for the… services rendered that you’ve so graciously required?”
“That will be their problem, seeing as how they’re not the ones paying me right now. “, Kegler was getting lost quick in the girls fawning over him, as it made Kai and Damon queasy in their stomachs.
Kai summoned up his own constitution and asked “So who’s paying you?”
“Some lady named Wraith. “, Kegler answered. “She’s dumb as a doorknob but she keeps me well provided for if you know what I mean.” Kai and Damon knew exactly what Kegler meant as a redhead came to him. Kai and Damon felt even queasier than usual.
“Oh well, take them out back and do them in. “, Kegler ordered. The guards did what they ordered and escorted the two rangers out.
As the two rangers were being escorted out they took notice of the Mirinoian sunrise thinking it may be the last time they might see it-according to the gunmen. “Turn around!”, the lead gunman ordered, a smile on his face as he relished the chance to blow away two unmorphed rangers.
“All right boys! Ready?”, The gunmen brought their guns to bear on Kai and Damon.
“AIM!”, the gunmen took careful aim.
“FIRE!”, the lead gunman ordered just as Damon and Kai stuck their fingers into the barrels of the guns as the guards fired. This caused the guns to backfire and explode in the guard’s faces were as black as fireplace soot.
The thugs immediately started running away as Kai turned to Damon and asked, “Where did that idea come from?”
“I don’t know. Do you think we’ve been here too long”, Damon asked. Kai didn’t answer, but he had hoped they weren’t. He kind of liked being serious.
“Let’s go get Kegler. “, Kai offered. Damon corrected Kai and said his name is ‘Shorty’ in this episode.
“Whatever!”, Kai said as Kegler sat on a couch surrounded by young ladies catering to his need. Kegler’s eyes buldged wide as he saw the two Galaxy Rangers standing in the doorway.
“Ladies please leave. “, Kai said. “We’ve got business with Shorty here and it ain’t gonna be pretty. After exchanging looks with each other the girls stepped away from Kegler’s side and immediately Damon got in his face.
“Where’s the matrix?”, Damon asked Kegler forcefully.
“I don’t know. “, Kegler said. “All I know is that I was supposed to stop you.” Kegler was shaking like a leaf as Damon put on the pressure.
“Back off Damon. “, Kai ordered. “He doesn’t know.”
“How can you tell?”, Damon asked.
“No one can be that scared and lie. Help him slip into these will you?”, Kai brought out a pair of handcuffs and took Kegler into custody. “I don’t see how I could scare anybody. I’m such a nice guy. “, Damon said as he looked into the eyes of a blonde and a brunette that were part of Kegler’s entourage.
Soon Kegler was in handcuffs and for the first time in a good while, he wasn’t happy about it. Kai and Damon escorted him out of the warehouse to the police station. The girls were at Kai and Damon’s sides.
“Now this is more like it!”, Damon said as he looked at the blonde on his arm. “The good guys always get the girls.”
“You got thrown off the set of Lightspeed Rescue?!”, Al Snow said looking shocked. Greenie looked down sheepishly.
“Hey the line seemed like a good idea at the time. Don’t know where it came from though. “, Greenie said referring to his ‘Porno Channel’ line he gave to Jennifer L. Yen who played ‘Vypra’. Miss Yen later visited Al’s house andgave Greenie a slap in the mouth for ruining her scene and having to do over it another sixty-three times.
“Yeah it was good wasn’t it?”, Al said with a smile on his face. “I can use that blooper scene for the blooper tape that I can sell at Sci-Fi conventions. I’ll make a mint.” Al left the room all giddy as he got his new idea ready.
“I wonder how the others are doing?”, Greenie asked.
“Probably better than us. “, Bretta said smacking Greenie upside the head. Unfortunately the smack sent Greenie crashing down to the floor flat on his face. “Ohh my nose!!!!”, he said in his best impression of Marcia Brady as he landed.
“Oooops sorry!”, Bretta said as she rushed to Greenie’s side. But in the back of her mind she was still thinking Porno channel. I can’t believe you!
The Cannonball was swinging into high gear, but Point Blank was only in a halfway position, due to him picking up ‘bond babes on the side of the road and dropping them off to where they needed to go. He was flirting with his latest one now passing himself off as Sean Connery.
“And so after I did Thunderball, I decided I wanted to pursue other movie ventures. As good as James Bond was to me I didn’t want it to be my only defining role. “, Mr. Blank had said.
“Ohhh that is such a shame dahling. “, the woman said. “You were such a good Bond!”
“Yes well Roger Moore seemed to fill the shoes quite well I think. And besides I got to do ‘Never say Never Again’ which was an excellent swan song for me I think”, Point Blank really let out with the flattery of Sean Connery, even though Point Blank only looked like him, but his problems multiplied when a police cruiser came sneaking up behind him with sirens blaring.
The woman turned her head to see the cop chasing them, “Aren’t you going to pull over?”
“I don’t think so. “, Point Blank said. “It would defeat the purpose of the race if I was caught. Press that button right there would you?”
The woman activated the button for the oil slick which, when the patrol car made contact with it sent the car spinning around trying to regain traction. “And now one more thing for good measure. “, Point Blank said as he pressed another button. This time revealing tacks that were supposed to come out from behind the car, but instead came out from the front causing the tires on Point Blank’s car to blow out leaving him a sitting duck for the patrol car that was coming up on them regaining its traction.
When the patrol car skidded to a stop the officer came out and went up to the side of Point Blank’s car. Point Blank rolled down the window and asked in his most charming voice and smile, “Is there a problem officer?”
The officer wasn’t charmed.
The box had said ‘One Acme Particle Beam cannon. Great for clearing out useless clutter. ‘ Mind was using his superior mental skill in determining the plans while Body and Soul worked on constructing the lethal device.
When it was all together the three waited to hear Sorrero’s Harley come down the street. Leaving the gun on auto target they locked onto the co-ordinates of the approaching Sorrero and turned away waiting for the gun to do its work.
What they didn’t count on was a gust of wind blowing the gun in the Triad’s direction vaporizing them while they weren’t looking. Forming hands the ashes of the Triad sept themselves out of the hidden camera’s view so they could pull themselves together for next time.
Kelsey stood in the underground lair of Hogan’s Heroes as they were listening in to Colonel Klink and General Burkhalter discussing the next nefarious plan. Wreck-Gar had to stay in the barn they arrived in but Kelsey kept her communicator open so he could listen in.
Newkirk went up to Kelsey’s side and asked her, “Is everything all right love?”
Kelsey let out a small laugh. “I always loved this show as I was growing up. Watching you go up against Klink and the Nazis, the shenanigans with Schultz, all of it. I just loved this show.”
“And now you know why it always seems so new every time you see it.” Kelsey smiled at Newkirk’s assessment and nodded. Newkirk then had to go back to the rest of the heroes who were listening to Klink and Burkhalter.
“General Burkhalter! To what do I owe the honor of your visit?”, Klink asked.
“I am here to assign you a new guard Klink! A more efficient guard!”, Burkhalter said. Opening the door Klink was introduced to three of the Killjoys that were part of the unit that ambushed Kelsey and Schultz.
“But General Burkhalter why do I need new guards? No one has ever escaped from Stalag 13. “, Klink said so full of himself.
“I know and I still can’t believe it. “, Burkhalter said with his usual sarcasm for Klink. Canned laughter filled the room after Burkhalter’s remark. Klink’s smile however faded upon hearing the insult.
Burkhalter explained the situation. “They are not here for the camp Klink. They are here to hunt down a woman on a motorcycle. Berlin has offered a heavy reward placed on her for anyone who can capture her.”
“Anyone?”, Klink asked interested.
“Don’t get any ideas…. Private Klink. “, Burkhalter said emphasizing the least of Klink’s worries should he get involved. “The reward is a formality if a loyal citizen’ should capture her. But I would prefer to capture her to avoid the risk of pinching Germany’s pocket to pay the reward.”
“Uhhh, General Burkhalter. Out of curiosity how much of a reward are we talking about here?”
“Six million Deuchmarks. “, Klink’s jaw dropped as he heard the price. “Don’t get any ideas or you’ll not only be a private, but you’ll be a private on the Russian front.”
“No problem herr general!”, Klink said as he saluted Burkhalter as he was leaving. Burkhalter was glad to see himself leave Klink’s office… everytime he visited it.
Burkhalter turned to the lead Killjoy and patted him on the shoulder. “This is your home base until you catch that girl. May whatever gods you worship have pity on you.” Burkhalter walked out to his staff car as the Killjoys looked on curious about what Burkhalter meant. They didn’t get a chance to ask him since Burkhalter ordered his driver to get out of Stalag 13 as fast as he could.
Meanwhile back in his office Klink rolled the figures in his head. Six million deuchmarks. Six million deuchmarks.
Hogan killed the eavesdropping device and faced Kelsey and his men. “Well young lady it sounds like you and your motorcycle have become hot commodities.”
“Do you have information about these two dangerous fugatives? Then dial 1-800-Stalag-13. “, Wreck-Gar said over Kelsey’s communicator.
“Colonel, we’ve got to get her out of here. But the whole countryside will be scrambling to find her. Not just those Killjoys and Klink, but every living creature in the whole countryside. “, Lebeau said.
“And I wouldn’t be surprised if bunny rabbits decided to get in on the action. “, Carter said. Hogan however had his wheels turning as he started devising a plan.
“Okay now we’ve got to find a way to get Kelsey out of here without being detected by the Killjoys, or by Klink himself. “, Hogan said deep in thought. After two seconds of thinking Hogan had another brilliant plan.
“Kinch, that bridge we were supposed to blow up by the railroad tunnel. How soon will it be until the ammo transports arrive?”, Hogan asked his communications expert.
“A good two days Colonel why?”, Kinch asked.
A smile crossed Hogan’s lips. “Because there may just be a way to kill two birds with one bomb.” Soon Kelsey and the heroes all listened in to the Colonel’s plan.
Jaws was driving Slapdash as Jackie held on to the door for dear life as a cop was pursuing them.
“Maybe we should have said I was a one driver vehicle and that I didn’t have room for two people. “, Slapdash said making reference to Jackie having to stand outside the car as Jaws drove.
“Something tells me it wouldn’t have mattered. “, Adam said giving his two cents worth. Jaws then suddenly decided to drop speed and allow the car to come up along side them.
The cop came along the passenger side and immediately ordered Jaws to “PULL OVER!!!” After exchanging a look Jackie gave a windmill-like series of kicks to the cops face causing him to drive off the road and onto the desert ground nearby after a series of spins that would have made a figure skater envious.
Jaws and Jackie immediately started laughing at the acrobatics the police car had done and Jackie had even added “Sayonara, bye bye!” as he waved to the cop capsized on the road.
Slapdash couldn’t help but wonder, What have we gotten ourselves into?
Adam didn’t have time to wonder himself since another smokey appeared coming down the other side of the road and spun around pursuing Slapdash, Adam, Jackie and Jaws. “Don’t worry! If we can make it to the mountain tunnel we’ll be okay.”
Unknown to them Weirdwolf stood on top of the mountain tunnel ready to cause a rockslide burying Slapdash, Adam, Jackie and Jaws under tons of rock. “And if caught smokies are. My problem it is not. “, he said.
Jaws drove down the road straight towards the tunnel when he then slammed down hard on the accellerator. Jackie was having to hold on for dear life on the outside of Slapdash more so than usual.
“WHAT… ARE… YOU… DOING?”, Adam asked as he felt the strain of so much energy being pumped into him.
“Just keep up the speed!”, Jaws said as he noticed rocks starting to fall and Weirdwolf standing above the tunnel. Slapdash also saw Weirdwolf through his sensors. “There’s a laser rifle under the seat. Pass it to Jackie. “, Slapdash said.
Jaws did what Slapdash said in split second timing. Jackie immediately took the human sized rifle in his hand and got off a shot above Weirdwolf causing him to be caught in an avalance of his own.
“The better part of valor discretion is. Going I should be.” Weirdwolf tried to transform and pounce off the mountain but he was caught in Jackie’s rockslide, and then later his own. Slapdash and company made it through the tunnel entrance in record time.
The cop car however stopped short as the rocks slid over the entrance. Getting out of the car they saw the half buiried head of Weirdwolf come off his body and then transform into Elgar.
“Ohhh. Did anyone get the licence number of that…. uhhhhh!”, the mutant said collapsing on the cops’ feet. The cops looked on confused.
As they drove through the tunnel Slapdash turned his sensors for departure angle and asked Jaws, “How did you know that would happen?”
Jaws picked up a book that said ‘Cannonball Run 3- the next race’ and waved it in the driver’s cabin. “It was in the script. Giant robot causes avalanche, heroic drivers squeak by.”
If Slapdash could have rolled back his optic sensors he would have. Adam let out a sigh as they kept on going.
J. J. and Victor were pulled over by cops and they pulled out their newest tool to con their way out of a ticket-phoney F. B. I. badges.
“Good evening officer!”, J. J. said flashing his F. B. I. badge to the cop. “Special Agent J. J. McLure, this is my partner Victor Prensey.”
Victor waved hello as the Sheriff looked the pair over(no not that way!). Needless to say he was suspicious of both of them. “You know you were doing 110 in a 65 mile zone. You want to tell me where the fire is?”
“Uhhh excuse me officer, “, Victor interrupted. “But we’re in a major rush to get across to California. There is a major Federal prisoner waiting for us, and if we don’t make it soon then the chances are good that his gang will help him escape.”
“Why don’t you fly there then?”, the sheriff asked J. J. and Victor. It was then that Tanya interrupted. While the sheriff was focused on J. J. she transformed off of Getaway and then brought in her part of the story.
“Because these are no ordinary criminals sheriff. “, Tanya said. The sheriff immediately took in Tanya’s Powermaster armor and asked, “Ain’t you a little late for a Star Trek convention honey?”
Tanya immediately looked into the sheriff’s eyes. “For your information sheriff, this is a special top secret exo suit that our respective prisoner is looking to destroy. He is a road rage criminal who has destroyed millions of lives with his insanity. We have unfortunately been unable to catch him due to his vehicles being superior in terms of fuel. But now we have a means to do so.” Tanya went over to Getaway and called out “TRANSFORM: ENGINE ON!!!” and got back on Getaway. Power revving him back up as energy filled him again.
“Once around the block Tanya?”, Getaway asked.
“You got it partner!”, Tanya said as Getaway burned rubber and did circles all around the desert ground at top speed. The sheriff looked on impressed, then Getaway rolled right up to the sheriff and Tanya transformed back.
“You see sheriff? There is much at stake here. Your wife, your children, your grandchildren will all suffer if we do not complete our mission.” The sheriff listened to Tanya’s words as the the song ‘Glory! Glory!’ played on in the background igniting the sheriff’s patriotic spirit. J. J. and Victor smiled as Tanya laid down the lines and the song continued to play.
“Think of all those you are pledged to protect sheriff. Do you want to have to live with the thought that you stopped us from doing our jobs? To make this country safe for your grandchildren? To make this country safe for your neighbors? To make this country safe for America?” The part about ‘truth marching on’ played in the orchestra which set the sheriff over the edge.
“You are free to go!”, the sheriff said. “And to make sure you get to the state line safe, I’ll give you a police escort.” Tanya thanked the sheriff and transformed back into Getaway’s engine, but J. J>had other plans.
“Oh by the way sherriff. “, J. J. had said. “There are two mutants that are part of this gang in a red ferarri looking to stop us from reaching this dangerous felon if we don’t get him first.”
The sheriff looked stunned and immediately listened in to everything J. J. said. “What do you want me to do?”
The patrol car led Getaway and his crew to the sheriff’s jurisdiction. “That’s right! I got it straight from the feds. There are two gangland mutants crossing our jurisdiction in a red Ferrari intent on stopping them from collecting a prisoner and getting valuble technology to L. A. SHOOT THOSE MUTANTS DEAD!!!”
Prancer, Poindexter and the Moron Offender decided to try again to catch some fish out by the lake. Prancer however was very reluctant to do so because she didn’t want her cashmere dress ruined again. Poindexter reassured her that they weren’t taking the boat out to the lake again.
“Isohopewe’renotgoingtogetwetagain. Doyouknowhowlong ittakestodrycashmerejustright?I’mliketalkinghoursand hoursoflaboryaknow. IthastobelikeJUSTRIGHTyaknow, every stitch, crease, andhemhastobeperfect. YouknowmaybewhenI likegethomeIcouldtalkdaddyandcousinFredintogettingme somestylishfishinggear. Itwouldlikebesocoolforget togethersyouknow. MaybeIcouldgetthecheerleadingsquadona trip. Ibetthey’dthinkitwouldlikebearealblastyouknow. Why justtheotherday…”
“Doesn’t she ever shut up”, Moron Offender asked. Poindexter just shrugged. “Don’t look at me I just met her.”
“Oh well, now we get to casting the line. “, Moron Offender said. “Make sure you have enough back reach and momentum to throw so your line will go out deeper.” The Moron Offender reached behind him as far as he could and threw the line out into the lake…. .
… and taking his pants with him since the hook had latched on to them and went out when the Offender cast the line. His underwear of boxer shorts with cute little bunnies was shown to Prancer, Poindexter and the offender’s home audience. Someone let out a whistle and the Offender covered up his underwear. Even though no one could see him blush, everyone could tell that his face was red underneath his helmet.
After getting a new pair of pants Moron Offender got his line ready again. “Okay crew. ONE MORE TIME!!!” Somewhere in the background was someone singing ‘I’ll take you home again Kathleen’, and singing it badly. “The Star Trek reunion for ‘The Naked Time’ episode is three stages down!”, Moron Offender called out to the singer. “Thank you!”, the singer had said.
Moron Offender threw his pole back again making sure he didn’t get his pants again and threw the line out again, hearing a rip as he did. Then a scream.
“EEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK”, a blonde in bra and panties said as the Moron Offender looked out to the lake and found that he had used his fishing pole to rip off her clothes and cast them into the lake. He tried to apologize but she was screaming too hysterically. He then reached into his wallet and pulled out a twenty for her to get new clothes.
The screaming stopped but the woman took on a whole new demeanor. “Ohhh. “, she said in a sultry voice. I didn’t know you were that happy to see me.” If you could see what was going on under Moron Offender’s helmet this time you would have seen his eyes bulge.
“We’ll be back after these messages. “, Moron Offender said cutting to a 90-minute commercial break. When the show came back on Moron Offender looked a lot more rested than he had in a long time. The woman he was with left her number in his hat and walked off with a bathrobe on.
“Don’t forget to call me big boy!”, she said in a sultry voice. Moron Offender nodded and smiled beneath his helmet. (Trust me he was)
Prancer went over in a huff and shook the Offender out of his blissful stupor. “Hey!, youlikeneedtogetback toyourfishingshow. Liketherearealotofpeoplewhoare wonderingwhattodolikenextyaknow!”
Offender looked slightly annoyed but he did come out of it. “Where was I, oh yeah! Casting the line. “, Moron Offender quickly redid his line getting it ready to cast again. Prancer stood off to the side with Poindexter with a smile on his face.
“I wonder what he’s going to get this time. “, Poindexter thought hoping for another woman. Prancer rolled her eyes. Thisboylikeclearlyneedsadate. Maybe IcangethimtogooutwithcousinIda. She’slikesoTOTALLY available, andthesetwojustmighthititoff. Imeantheyareboth SOOOOdorkythey’dbegreat. Andtheycouldlikehavedorkykids, andthey’dhavedorkyfamilyreunions, I’dsendanRSVPofcourse, Imeanthinkofmyimage. I’mafashiontrendsetter. Ineedto socializewithamoreINgroupyouknowlike…
While Prancer continued to think a mile a minute the Moron Offender threw his line out one last time. As he tossed the line he found he had hooked Monster Bretta on the other end of the line this time. As Moron Offender threw the line with Monster Bretta on the other end towards the lake(he didn’t get it in the water again), she let out a scream of “MMMAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!” before she hit the water.
“Oops!”, Moron Offender said realizing what he had just done. Prancer and Poindexter looked on realizing what the Offender had done and what was to come. Offender quickly turned to the camera and addressed his audience.
“This has been another edition of ‘Fishing with the Moron Offender’. Tune in next time when we shall examine salt water trout up close. Or seaweed whichever comes first.
Hearding Prancer and Poindexter away from the lake the two Blunder Rangers and the Moron Offender made tracks away from the lake before Monster Bretta was on top of them.
They didn’t make it. Prancer was okay though.
Wraith sat back on her throne bored to death with nothing to do but watch the T. V. while she awaited word from her underlings. Even that was boring as she found herself channel surfing.
“Infomercial… infomercial… John Davidson in Hawaii?… No. Infomercial.” After much channel flipping she found the channel she was looking for.
“I’m Robin Leach. Welcome to ‘Lifestyles of the Rich, Famous and Insane. I am here visiting the home of the recipient of the Matrix of Humor. “. Wraith kept watching and immediately began calling her henchmen back.
Winston and Jinxer were continuing to drive at top speed when a patrol car came up behind them with its sirens blaring.
“Pull over mutants. You’re under arrest by order of the Federal Government. “, the cops said. Jinxer turned to Winston and asked, “Do you want to stop?”
Winston’s answer was to slam hard on the gas pedal and take off down a dirt road. The cops immediately behind them. “I’ll take that as a no!”, Jinxer said trying to keep his lunch.
Winston drove up a mountain slope towards a cliff with the cops in pursuit. “Get ready to teleport out!”, Winston ordered. Jinxer looked at him like he was crazy and even asked if he was. Winston smiled and said, “This is the Parody Dimension what did you expect me to be? SANE?” Jinxer got nervous fast but managed to get out, “Well I was hoping.”
Then Winston drove the car up to the ledge of the cliff, and slammed the gas down. At the last second Winston ordered “NOW!”
The cops were shocked to see the Ferrari go over the cliff side. Stopping their patrol car they looked down to see the car on it’s top crushed, and then explode in a fireball. The cops then bowed their heads in mourning unaware that the two mutants were sitting nearby laughing at the two cops.
“Oh! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! This is so entertaining. Those fools have no idea we survived the crash. “, Jinxer gloated.
“Yeah, we’ve just gone to the angels like good little mutants. “, Winston said laughing as well, until Wraith shrieked on the intercom for everyone, including the cops to hear.
“YOU WORTHLESS NUMBSKULLS GET YOUR KEESTERS OVER HERE NOW!”, the cops turned to see the two mutants who immediately took to running as soon as the cops saw them. The cops almost got them too until they teleported to where Wraith said.
What she wanted they didn’t know.
Moron Offender, Prancer and Poindexter walked into Al Snow’s living room where Kai, Damon, Greenie and Bretta were waiting. Al immediately walked in seeing the ‘merry’ group and smiled at them.
“So, How did it go?”, Al asked.
“The matrix wasn’t in any of those places you told us to go. “, Kai said. “What was the point of us going there if it wasn’t in any of those realities?”
Al just shrugged. “I had to kill time somehow. There are a lot of people that get their entertainment here. All those shows you were a part of? They go out to those in the normal realities. Many of your sitcoms on Earth actually come from this dimension. We work through distributors sure but the work we do here is what makes them great.
“You mean we went through all that just to entertain people?”, Damon said. The Blunder Rangers just nodded as if Al’s logic suddenly made sense to them.
“What? Would you prefer I drew back this curtain?”, Al made his way to a curtain that was hanging nearby.
“… pull on this rope… “, Al pulled on the rope.
“… and say ‘Ta! Daaa! Here’s your matrix’?” shining behind the curtain was the Matrix of Humor in all it’s glory.
As the rangers looked on at the Matrix mesmerized by what they were seeing Wraith came in riding Weirdwolf as he was in wolf mode. As Weirdwolf rushed by Wraith lassoed the matrix with a lasso and rode off into a sunset that had suddenly appeared.
“Get along little doggie! Yeehaaaaa!”, Wraith screamed leaving the rangers and Al Snow stunned by what they saw.
“For bail I thank you for. Cramped was that jail cell.” Wraith patted Weirdwolf as if thanking him as they continued to run away.
“I’m just so glad I thought of this plan. Thank you for choosing me to be your one phone call.” Wraith immediately staged a break out for Weirdwolf and Elgar and recruited her for the raid knowing Al Snow must have had it. She would have waited for the others to get back but she wanted to keep the show moving. Don’t ask it doesn’t make sense to me either.
But nevertheless Al Snow and the Blunder and Galaxy Rangers were left with their mouths gaping at the damage Wraith and Weirdwolf had done. “I don’t suppose it would be stupid to say that we should get the others back here?”
The rangers all let out a resounding “GET THEM BACK HERE YOU MORON!”
“Okay, okay! No need to get huffy. “, Al said then muttered under his breath, “I knew it wasn’t a good idea to invite Robin Leach here. Champaign wishes and caviar dreams my a$$!”